How far would you go for the ones you love was scribbled upon the wall, the wet ink slithered down the weathered and chipping blue paint, a lonely soul sat gazing upon the words that seemed to scrutinize his broken soul. The moon light found its way through the worn down drapes and cracked window as a lone wind whispered in the silence of the moment. An isolated drink sat beside him, drips of water glided down the glass. While a rickety wooden fan shakily rotated above, casting out dancing shadows. He sat on the edge of a barren mattress, head in his hands quietly weeping. Each tear held within reflections of a life soon to be lost. Beneath each salty droplet laid the muffled screams of his agony. He gripped his tattered jeans while uttering words to the emptiness. An aged Bible with a wrinkled spine laid beside him, speechless in his time of turmoil. He directed his damp eyes to the relic of a time sense past. He ran his hand underneath his nose and attempted to drain the tears from his eyes as he wanted one last clear view of the item that walked him to his current madness. Words and phrases clawed at his enervated soul, his own flesh and blood had become a prison as he is forced to reckon with that which brought about his lamenting. Why O‘ Why, O‘ Lord just tell me why this thought slithered through his veins and gorged upon his heart, for the answer shall evermore be in a limbo of uncertainty. He turned his attention back to the night air, and the constricted feeling collapsing his chest; and the tears began once more. This dirty room above the forth floor was soon to be a graveyard, littered with the remnants of a man overcome under the weight of angelic fists. He idly ran his fingers across the bullet in his hands, with tooth and nail he had etched the word forsaken upon the rusted metal. Above the room angels loomed, weeping tears of white for the tortured soul. Helplessly watching the man scourge his weary soul. Their divine halos dim in the darkness surrounding his spiraling spirit. A lonesome prayer found its way to their presence I’ve got no more fight left in me, each day i am reminded of the reason I mourn. I can not go on, if anyone is listening please lift this burden and set me free. The angels were left helpless, caressing his final plea. No freedom was given, no divine intervention came sweeping in from the heavens above, no saint came knocking upon the door with deliverance in hand, no only darkness remained. The man sat for a moment begging for some reason to carry on. The only thing there to comfort his spirit was the bullet he held. A resounding crack echoed throughout the room and erupted forth through the open window. The angels looming wailed in pain as sirens approached, serenading the nights chaos.
Only the Streets Know
22 JunHe was walking.
But he didn’t know where he was going. Actually, he did know where he was going, but his mind could’ve been in a completely different world. The only thing that kept him moving was the slow, methodical movement of his feet.
One moving in front of the other. In a repeated motion, he crept toward his destination. Thoughts racing faster than his feet could keep up.
So much had happened recently he had stopped trying to decipher it all a long time ago. He had tried to turn over scenarios, situations, and reasons in his head over and over again, but it did nothing but bring more and more questions to mind.
Ones without answers.
His world seemed to be crumbling around him. It was not as though something catalyzed a catastrophic explosion, but rather just a slow deterioration of what was seemingly so stable.
His relationships.
His family.
His plan.
He stopped a moment and glanced around the small town he was shuffling through. Up and down side streets. Back and forth. Passing the same shops and boutiques on every corner.
He felt like a mouse trapped in a maze. Running up and down the same corridors. Finding the same dead ends and ending up more confused then before.
And the scent of the cheese was only a tantalizing reminder, mocking his stupidity yet still enticing him to move further and further into the darkness of the maze, threatening to consume him with every turn.
Although his head was lost in the shadows, his feet knew the way. And they kept propelling his hopeless body forward.
Overtime, the nightlife had faded into the background noise as he had walked through the town. The lights had lost their luster. The voices had all faded away. The music had melded into one symphonic sound.
But this night it was different. He was in-tune to the commotion tonight. He glanced left and right as crowds, couples, and people passed him.
They all looked happy. They were all laughing. They all seemed to have everything going for them.
The boy stood watching the crowd before him, letting his eyes slowly witness all that was unraveling.
The street lamp, which stood erect over him, casted out his shadow unto the asphalt as the people walked on by. None taking the responsibility in asking why his face screamed of sorrow, they simply walked on.
He watched a couple in love for what seemed like hours, but could have very well been merely seconds. The lovers hands were intertwined and they laughed. Oh God the laughter, to be blessed with that feeling once more thought the boy, for his spirit had been anchored with despair since the moment he awoke.
He can not remember exactly when his spiral into the emptiness began, all that mattered was that he was here now amongst the grime of human emotions.
The lovers sat at a bench not far from the illuminating street lamp under which the he stood. He watched as their lips touched, he state gazing at their very hearts pulsing from underneath their clothing.
Love.
He had so often heard it spoken but it seems it shall forever remain a piece of knowledge than an interaction. He thought to himself as he watched the lovers go, hands intertwined walking up the small town street with the many eyes of universe smiling down at them.
Whenever he looked up at the sky though he saw only the angry eyes of God. He removed his weary eyes from the couple and instead focused them on an old man. He sat alone on a bench, the old man sat gazing at the ground before him. His cane laying still at his side. I wonder of the life he’s lived, will that be me some day, or would he grow old simply in the memories of those that knew? He thought, as the old man struggled to push himself from the bench until he too was traveling up the small town road. Few were left, scattered pieces of humanity socializing under the watchful eye of the One Most High.
When would he be the one walking down the small town road? When would he feel alive and joyous at the thought of God’s eyes? His thoughts seemed to be unrelenting as he could not help but think of the life that could befall him. He was chained to the idea of what could be. As the crowds dwindled one last soul caught his eye, that of a child.
The child could not have been more than 2 years old. The chubby cheeks and stubby fingers grasped a handful of clothing as drool dribbled down onto his Father’s shirt. The child’s eyes fluttered, almost as if there was something that told him that someone was watching. The eyes slowly opened adjusting to the dim light that surrounded him until he caught the boy’s eyes.
Innocence. That was the first thing that the boy saw. Pure innocence. A life the way it was meant to be. Unmarred by the world’s attempt to devalue and debase. Completely content with life; not worried about tomorrow, but captivated by the present moment.
Oh if he only knew, the boy thought, what lay in store for him as he grew up. The pain. The loss. The emptiness. The loneliness. His spirits kept sinking lower and lower with every thought about what this child’s life could be. Sure there was the opportunity to turn out like the lovers he saw earlier, but the distinct possibility of ending up like the old man lurked in the shadows.
The boy let out an exasperated sigh as he held his head in his hands. His eyes slowly closed as he tried to ward off his inner demons as they danced around his slowly crumbling heart. The field day had already begun and there were few signs of them letting up. Not another night spent wallowing in self-pity. Not again.
He heard footsteps slowly fade and glanced up in time to catch a sight that he did not expect.
A toothless smile from a boy he’d never met, but a smile that silently reassured him that he was not alone and that hope was only one look away.
With a fresh breeze of life he tilted his head back to gaze into the sky. Instead of the stars outlining an angry God surveying his minuscule existence, he thought he saw the eyes of a Father, twinkling amidst the hazy skyline of the city.
Maybe that one look was all he needed in order to put one foot in front of the other to make the long walk home. Maybe this night made the next day worth living. Maybe that’s all it takes.
